Confession: I like the old model

I had a vision where the Body of Christ would be redefined. Words like organic, emergent, and participatory were thrown around serving as guiding principles. We decided to throw out the highly program-driven, pastor-centered model of the institutional church that created radical followership in hopes that we could inspire people to participate and truly become a vital part of the living Body of Christ.

What I realized after the past few meetings was that I want the old model. To be honest, I like the program-driven church because it's predictable and controlled. But in a deeper sense I like it because I am prideful and yearn to say (or report) we have actually done something. It's easy to quantify bible studies, songs, and prayers. It sounds impressive and looks good in pictures. It's harder to measure deepened relationships and the care we develop for one another. It's easier to tell people solutions to their problems. It's a bit harder to journey alongside them in empathy and compassion.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night and sensed God telling me something: "Focus on loving people and allow the Holy Spirit to shape your group." I felt so much comfort after hearing that. It's not for me to shape. It puts me in my place and defines my role. It gives me freedom.